I figured out my goal

Praise be to paint by number Jesus! I found my wife’s 10+ year old backup hard drive we’ve had since right after we got married. I looked everywhere for that thing and I honestly thought I threw it out by accident. I’ve been frantically tearing apart my trash cans looking for that dang thing. Since paint by number Jesus was nearby I figured I’d give him a quick praise and a cameo.

There was a time in my life I was so angry and so ashamed of myself I blocked out things that reminded me of my service and the career I told myself I had ripped away from me. When I decided the real me was finally resurfacing I began doing a lot of brash things like deleting my old Facebook acct (and all the years of pictures with it). Thank goodness I was able to recover that acct and save the photos. That old acct is still staying bye bye however. Between the HD and the recovered photos I figure lets create a lil show & tell page on this site right? Hey at least then there might be something else to look at inbetween my boring videos. Boring yes, but important to me. After all, I’m working on something.

One of my favorite bands of all time is FLAW and tonight I’m listening to Through the Eyes, an amazing album that saw me through many nights in the Middle East. I have “Only the strong” on my running playlist but I used to turn into an animal in the gym when I would hear the song “Payback.”

Its no secret I believe in God. I used to join my Muslim friends in discussions with fellow service members who would claim to be staunch Atheists. Why? Its quite simple, we could be respectful about why we felt how we felt. That’s the crazy thing about the military. You could tell someone they were stupid for thinking the way they did, but it was always in a way that conveyed mutual respect no matter how much you disagreed. Because well, deep down inside nobody gave a fuck about your opinion. You were allowed to have whatever personal beliefs you wanted in the military as long as you did not try to admonish someone simply for disagreeing with yours. Not having to worry about making sense to anyone for how you think and go about things is definitely one thing I always miss about being in the service. It was that respect for individuality that made us so cohesive when it was time to work together.

So what is my goal? I would like to share my experiences in my childhood life and military career to hopefully help another person either avoid the issues I encountered or establish and execute a plan to overcome those issues. I want to share how I fell into my hole (several holes) and how I crawled out. I hope to make this my new direction in life. Helping other people where I once needed it the most.

I guess what I am trying to say but don’t quite have it nailed down is this whole blog thing may not make a lot of sense right now but I don’t think it’s supposed to yet. I think this is supposed to be sort of my dumping ground. I think I’m supposed to just put things here that will help generate ideas to transfer to pages in a book that is slowly getting written. And by slowly I mean I have begun writing kind of like I have been making videos. I literally throw every single idea I have out there so I can go through it and decide what is really pertinent to my overall “message” and what is not.

But the great thing is once I have assembled ideas into content like these, I practically have a constant flow of ideas to make the book suck less. Screw it, just trust me on this.

Good night. Internet.

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