Another amazing sunrise over my barn in the morning. My son is off to school and my wife has already arrived at work. This morning I walked my property for a bit and brought along my .22 just in case the angry skunk tries to spray my dog.
Today I feel better than I did yesterday and to be honest I’m pretty sure I felt the same way the day before. What I mean is I can easily compare my life now to my life years ago. Back then I would measure my day by how worse I felt than the day prior and wonder when the madness was going to end. Back then I would put a smile on my face like I do today but back then I was lying about who I really was. I kept telling myself I needed to be: “XXXXXXXX” before I would ever be happy.
That was my own fault. No one is responsible for me being happy but me, and further I should truly be so lucky to take advantage of the opportunities now before me. The most difficult thing about my coursework is not actually doing it. The most difficult thing about running this blog and making Youtube videos has never actually been doing it. I’ll readily admit that. The most difficult thing about being me everyday is the same difficult thing others face as well. The most difficult thing about moving forward is standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself: THIS IS WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. The hardest part is taking myself serious and if I don’t take myself serious how can I expect anyone else to?
Everyday gets a little easier because I have bee developing the correct habits and routines to pull me through this program of study. 10 years is a long time to take off school. Even more so to try to jump straight into post-graduate study. I’m honestly no different than anyone else I just really like to torture myself with schoolwork. I have to get through the hard stuff because this will prepare me for what comes next, that will be the truly difficult stuff.
After I finish my PhD I intend to take on Mother Air Force herself. I intend to use what I have developed to do my small part in addressing this suicide and Opiate problem that has been ruining so many lives. Perhaps my fight was never truly over, perhaps it just morphed.
You’re Welcome. Internet.
