What’s going on Trainwrecks, recently we concluded our four-part series on Purpose and I’m really excited for how that turned out. Thank you all so much for the feedback I’ve gotten! The Holiday season is upon us and so is the holiday spirit! The Christmas season is by far my favorite time of the year and I get excited about the lights, the music, the food and the Yuletide. I really like the food.
Along with the holiday cheer comes some problematic features of the holiday season that affect us negatively when we allow them to. In order to assist my audience and my clients in coping with these holiday stressors, I’ve developed five strategies to survive the 2019 holiday drama.
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The holidays bring a lot of undue stress on us when lose sight of what is really important in life: leadership and fun. When we allow the leadership of our lives to be directed by someone else’s objectives and those objectives are not in line with our values, we experience conflict and stress. When we allow our own perspective of fun in our lives to be replaced by the problematic and incongruent perspective of someone else we end up feeling out of place and like we do not belong unless we change our own perspective to be more in line with whomever is being “pushy.” Stop giving a fuck what other people think about you. Trainwrecks, I implore you to NOT sacrifice our perspective just to appease someone, especially someone we probably don’t even like.
Here are five strategies to survive the 2019 holiday season.
- Have clear boundaries and enforce them. Too often we sacrifice our own values in an effort to please others, thinking that will entice them to like us or even act more respectful toward us. The reality is when we sacrifice our own values and allow the behavior of others to affect us, we are not being inauthentic and dishonest. Being upfront about things like not wanting to drink alcohol, not wanting to discuss touchy subjects, not participating in family issues that do not affect us and generally keeping to yourself are all wise options. We do NOT have to reveal our boundaries unless someone crosses them. We then have a responsibility to let the other person know. We DO NOT have to apologize to anyone for our boundaries. NO ONE.
- Be honest with others. Honesty is authenticity and even when honesty delivers bad news or something we do not like, if it is honest we are less likely to find hold a grudge. Being honest with others reinforces strategy number one which is to have clear boundaries and enforcing them. Being able to honestly communicate with each other sets the tone for trust and lessons the opportunity for us to create what I call phantom social contracts. Phantom social contracts are “the belief we are owed something because we did something for someone else whether they asked for it or not.” We ALL are guilty of this and if we take a hard look at our lives, I promise everyone one of you will understand what I mean by this.
- Know there are good days and bad days, each are equally important. Would we really know we are having a good day if we never experienced any drama or tragedy? It is not only impossible for “us” to have a good day every day, but it is extremely selfish for us to expect that of others. Sometimes the person ringing up our coffee is off their game and forgot our order, admonishing them will not fix their memory. Perhaps someone cut us off in traffic and didn’t bother giving us second thought. Establishing the mindset that very little carries over from one day to the next can give us the right perspective to not get lost in a good day or a bad day.
- Strive to remain stoic and non-reactive. One of our biggest hurdles to remaining calm, cool and collected is the reality family, friends and our bullshit mainstream media will work overtime to convince us of the importance to their struggles and plight. The problem with developing an opinion and directly involving ourselves in the affairs of others is we tend to marginalize those affairs since they are not ours. Remaining neutral and out of conflict that does not directly involve us gives us the opportunity to remain supportive of the opinions of others (within reason) without the problems of getting involved.
- Focus on the positive, expect the unexpected and have an action plan. When we focus on the positive things in our lives we simply have less time to bother with the negative. Developing habits and routines which lead to positive behavior and a non-reactive stance gives us that necessary mental buffer to absorb the ups and downs of living through the unexpected. Identifying our sticking points (personal issues) and having an action plan in place can give us options. For example, when I travel I try to stay at a hotel room and not in the home of family because I know my anxiety can get the best of me and I need to maintain a zone I can escape to if I feel uncomfortable. Agoraphobia has NOTHING to do with where you are, it has everything to do with feeling vulnerable and unsafe. It’s something I deal with by accommodating my needs and remaining realistic about my expectations of others.
If you feel you are affected by the world in a way you are having a hard time understanding and would like to explore your options with a professional coaching program, contact me for a free consultation. We will not only address what you feel your shortcomings may be but identify how to overcome those obstacles. Contact me via DJBeautifulTrainwreck@gmail.com for a free consultation and we will explore how we can closer align your lifestyle to your ideal self. Who YOU really are!
So, let’s have a discussion! Make sure you smash that LIKE button as you comment below.
- What are ways you have identified to lessen your stress during the holidays?
- What are you doing to focus on the things you have control over (such as how we feel) vs. the things we are allowing to control us (worrying about how others feel about us and trying to control them)?
- What are some meditative practices you implement in your daily life to ?
Leave your comments below and join in the discussion.
LIKE, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE. Let’s smash our way right through the holiday madness! Through a little bit of pain and initial discomfort we can lessen the effects of stress and anxiety by facing our stressors head-on and not accepting the regular status quo we’ve grown used to. We can do this!
You’re Welcome. Internet.
Music Credit: https://purple-planet.com