This morning the sun crept over a snow-covered Midwest horizon screaming beautifully across the fields overlooking my front yard. I have always admired snow-covered land for its flowing beauty as nature takes hold and gives us such a sight to see. I look up at the morning sky and smile as I realize how precious each new sunrise is to me. I realize how hard I have worked to get here and how much work I have in front of me to get where I want to go someday. I have learned to readily welcome each new challenge.
I want you Trainwrecks to know, we can’t have awesome days unless we know how a shitty one feels now and again.
Like many others, I am dealing with family drama from people who simply will not go away. I will admit I am human and have allowed it to affect me so I think this week I will be an emotional adult and only respond to the drama like an adult. I haven’t always done that in the past and I have suffered the consequences for not being honest and upfront about my personal boundaries when others violate them. I’ve suffered the consequences for being a “nice guy” in the past and thinking it was okay to allow others to dump on me. It was my decision to allow these people to do that to me because as a messed up kid around messed up people, we develop a jaded view on ourselves, almost a belief that we somehow deserve to be treated like a family garbage can. Like it is somehow our place.
Here is the honest reality, Trainwrecks:
THAT WAS MY FAULT.
People will only do to us what we give them time and space for. Once I evaluated what I was and was not willing to hold space for in my world, I was able to move forward and eliminate the things in my life that upset me the most. Now understand something, when toxic family members foster their own desires like the ability to trash your marriage and you suddenly pull the plug on that; expect all manner of hatred and manipulation to be thrown at you. People absolutely hate it when they lose power and control over someone or something else once they have grown used to having it. One of the hardest things someone who has struggled with addiction and depression can deal with, are toxic and judgmental family members who seek to control them. We tend to cower to these narcissists which is why we need to stand up to them and kick them out of our lives, Trainwrecks.
It’s actually quite easy.
Although we shouldn’t care what others think about us (stop giving a fuck what other people think about you), we SHOULD care about the importance of our response to people who try to control us. When communicating with toxic family members we should be upfront as we try to be BRIEF, POLITE and RESPECTFUL. There are zero requirements that we be “nice.” Victims are nice. When we communicate with those we do not enjoy speaking with, it helps to think of the following things before responding:
- Sleep on it. Giving ourselves 24 hours to ensure our emotions are under control before responding is wise.
- If we must communicate with someone we do not like, we should try to stay brief, concise and as factual as we can. No insults – just the basics.
- Consider anything we communicate to someone we do not like as possibly being read by a judge or a Police Officer – don’t be stupid! Hold ourselves to a higher standard. BREATH
- Be ready to communicate the facts and our desire – and then move on. The more we mentally stress about things we cannot control, the more our mental stress will control us. THINK
- If we are not physically moving our body and causing physical stress on it in some way, shape or form we are physically wasting it away. MOVE
The holiday season family drama might bring some stress with it, but through a little bit of deep breathing, common sense and meditation it is manageable. Come on, we can do this!
You’re Welcome. Internet.